What We Seek But Can't Advertise
First published in Falling Star Magazine, Issue #17, Date Night
Woman Seeking Man
I would like a man to treat me better than my last boyfriend, who I am still in love with. He hit me. I'll tell you about it, and you'll have to wait to have sex with me. I might have sex with you right away and cry. I might stop you once or twice. I might not sleep with you at all or hint at it for a very long time. But, I'll see you. I'll let you call me your "girlfriend." I'll look at his texts or facebook page, then I'll sleep with you. I'll bake you something. What's your favorite, baby? I don't have any money. So, you'll need to pay for things. You'll need to pay for everything. Dropping me off and picking me up from work is also going to need to happen. I'll give you head, and you'll enjoy it, but you'll wonder who I'm really thinking about. It's him: the guy you'll hate, but never meet--the guy I'll go back to. But, I really do think you're a nice guy.
Woman Seeking Woman
I'm hot. I know it. You know it. Treat me really well and I'll lose interest - even if you're my type (especially if you're my type). I've got daddy issues. You should use that. Come off as thinking you're better than me and I'll fuck you so good that it'll be hard to keep the act up. If you don't, if you fold like the rest, I'll be gone. The minute you chase me, I'm gone. I'll make it painful too. I won't return your calls. I'll text though. I'll text and text and text and your head will want to explode. Just make me feel unattractive and I'm yours. Touch my insecurity, and I'll be secured. Don't let me down by being nice. I so hate that.
Man Seeking Man
Don't you dare give me some disease. You're not worth that. I'm hot and I'm going to be real honest: Don't ruin my in my prime. Let's have fun. Can you do that? Can you handle what I'm in the mood for right now? I won't "date" anyone right now. Prince Charming could put a golden dick in me and I'd scorn him when he asks me to "live happily ever after in a beautiful apartment in Chelsea." So, don't bother with the dramatic break-up. We aren't "broken up," it's just tomorrow morning, and you need to go. I'm not a bad person. I don't care if you are or not, or what you think of me. Let's just keep it simple. Let's just play it safe and have a good time. Can you handle that?
Man Seeking Woman
Please have an eating disorder. Every ex that I've ever had has had one and even though I say I hate it to my friends, I don't know anything else. Please be a girl with a problem that I know how to handle. I know how to help and keep a girl who's fucked up. How am I supposed to trust someone that I don't help? Who I can't tell how beautiful they are without feeling like I'm some push-over? Who is not going to turn right around and leave me for some jerk? No, I need someone who's needy. I need someone who needs me. Do you need someone?
Woman Seeking Man
I'd like to be your shadow. Take me past all the romance and serve me the sterile. I can't take it anymore. I'm less of a woman when I care about the man I'm dating. I'll play the fool but I'm sick of actually being one. Women can't date up, but men can. I'm ready to settle. I'll reach down for you. Let's make plastic, so I don't get hurt. I'll give you babies and you give me a house with a real lawn. Your parents will love me. Your brother and sister will envy us. We can be happy. I'm good, and I don't even want "good" back. Just be the surface. Just let the mirror read: OK.
Woman Seeking Woman
I'm not over her and you sort of look like her. That's my type: "her." You're an understudy but I'll make-believe until you start to sense to coldness of my skin, the pain underneath my eyelids and the lies between my teeth. I would leave you in a second for her, but, instead, "Here you go, have some tea...let me get that, babe." I'll slip down there and sometimes it's you and sometimes it's her. I can't have her, or I would. It's better not to think about it, even though I can't stop thinking about it. With you, I can feel love, but I can't love back. Let me make you feel good when I can. Let me do the dance without the band or outfit. Let us never cry again. You can be happy and I'll just smile next to you.
Man Seeking Man
He hurt me. I think you're going to hurt me too. I know that you will before I even know your name. But, I'll beat you to it. I'll win this time. I loved him. I forgave him, and he still said, "It's over." So there. So that's what being an adult gets you. That's what being nice gets you. I want a guy that I can hurt. I want to hurt you. I want to educate someone else. Now, I'm the mentor for how it is. Do you want to get hurt? Do you want to trust me? If so, bend over: we can start right now.
Man Seeking Woman
I just want to have sex. I realize how much I need it. Can you do that? I'll go to the gym. I'll make your girlfriends jealous. I'll flirt with them, but I won't sleep with them. Just you. It'd be good if you have nice breasts, but you really only need to have a great ass. I'm an "ass man," but I'm not an "asshole." We can all be one. Don't make me do it. Don't flirt with my friends. Don't get mad at me for being drunk. I'll find a new you. But, I really wouldn't mind just you. Realize that. Believe that. I'm just a guy. Be my girl.
Everyone Seeking Anyone
Help me become me. Let me be anyone. Help me forget. Create something new to remember. Create an "us." Sleep with me. Stay over. Go away. Come back. Wait for me. Tell me you love me. Tell me you hate me. Forgive me. Tell me the truth. Lie to me. Make me jealous. Make me secure. Make me confident. Make me better. Be strong. Turn me on. Need me. Help me. Please me. Take me. Do me. Choose me. Be everything. Be "why." Be here, right now.
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